Lately I’ve been thinking about death. What would I feel like after? Would it be blissful like the saints preach? Tranquil like the monks hope for? Or just another existence after this existence we call life? Would I feel like a person or just an observer? But the most important question is, Sylvia, would I feel? Feel the insane emotions I feel right now? My mood swings from enraged to sulking to contemplative to happy in seconds.
I have to confess, I know nothing about how you must’ve felt while you were alive. You can’t really rely on Google for that stuff. Your life must be as crazy a ride as any woman’s, I’m sure.
What am I to feel when my hearts in a whirlwind of emotions from a heated argument I had earlier that day and I look at a child, limbless and blind asking for money like it wasn’t his right to life and luxury as any one of ours? I feel little. Little in front of all these people who’re literally fighting to live in a world where most of us are just busy depreciating and devaluing things we should be grateful for. It’s funny how the things we’re taking for granted, are the things that someone else is praying for.
On second thought, no matter how miserable this existence, you deserved to live. To be able to see the beauty of people and their ways. I personally find it fascinating. Some choose to deny the existence of a supernatural being; thereby denying optimism. After all, believing that you’re being watched is not only beneficial in a test hall. Some steal, lie, cheat, beg… Anything that’s convenient. Like they say, life is interesting for those who think and tragic for those who feel. I’m of the interested lot. You should have been too. I don’t know where you are right now, I’m sure you won’t see this(still hoping actually)but you shouldn’t have given up. Whatever this is, I know that you can either take it as a jail sentence, or a jungle safari.